Conscious Denial
by kitsu012
Summary: In which a mentally alert and conscious Yuuri works things out with Wolfram. Sort of. Sequel to: Sleeping To Dream About Wolfram


Disclaimer: I don't own Kyo Kara Maoh.

Conscious Denial

Everything was silent. Yuuri cracked his eyes open and squinted at the bright sunlight coming through the curtains. He felt... strange. He yawned. Just what had he been dreaming about? He admitted that Anissina's Peaceful-Slumber-kun was working wonders for him but he noticed that he had been getting quite vivid dreams as of late. He couldn't really remember his dreams, but there were flashes of images that tickled his memory throughout the day. He felt they were generally nice and peaceful dreams.

He closed his eyes. The dream he just had was different in a way that it was like he had been wading through the dark but tranquil depths of the ocean then got caught in the middle of a storm and then trapped inside the eye of a tornado and afterwards transported into a peaceful hilltop overseeing fields of golden flowers. It was... complicated.

_"I know that you just don't want to hurt me."_

Yuuri remembered a voice. He couldn't recall what had been said but how could he forget the sadness in that voice? Words were spoken without passion but it only served to amplify all the hurt and pain. No hatred. No bitterness. Not even coldness. Just pure, unadulterated, quiet melancholy. Defeat and resignation. It was heartbreaking.

And... Yuuri vaguely remembered a face. He opened his eyes to stare at the beams of sunlight that seemed to dance with the shadows on the walls of his room and furrowed his brows. A face he recalled he had thought so ethereal and beautiful that he considered himself an utter moron to not remember what it looked like now that he was awake. It was a face graced with unnatural beauty that Yuuri knew would be out of place in either of the mortal worlds he lived in. It was a face that was framed and haloed with warm, golden sunshine and held the most wondrous gems, eyes that were so deep and so easy to get lost and drown into.

Yuuri remembered watching with morbid fascination as tears had started to gather but refused to fall from those pools of green. That face, even strained with all that sadness, was still so beautiful. So beautiful yet so painful to look at. Yuuri remembered feeling so pathetic and stupid and wimpy for being the reason for the pain in that face. He couldn't even remember what he'd done.

And then... he remembered everything had changed. The sadness was suddenly gone and replaced with warmth and content and happiness. And... he couldn't remember anything else after that. It was so strange.

Yuuri took a deep breath and sighed. Maybe he could skip running with Conrad and sleep in until lunch today? Right now, he felt so peaceful and warm. He closed his eyes to let sleep overtake him and hugged the pillow he had been holding in his sleep closer to his chest.

Yuuri's pillow fidgeted in his tight grip.

"Wimp, as much as I appreciate the contact, I feel like I've developed a bed sore on my back side with you holding me in place like this all night," the pillow also grumbled sleepily.

Yuuri's eyes bulged open and he snapped his head downwards so fast he that he heard a slightly worrying 'crick'.

"Wolfram?!"

"Hmm?" Wolfram's eyes stared through Yuuri. He was still feeling drowsy.

Yuuri just looked at him with wide eyes.

"What are you looking so incredulously for?" he yawned, "Were you expecting someone else in your bed, you cheating Wi—"

"Ahh!"

_Thud._

"I-itai..."

"Yuuri, are you alright?" Wolfram asked, eyes laced with worry, from the bed.

"I..." Yuuri rubbed his back, "I think I'll be alright."

The worry in Wolfram's eyes morphed into anger. "Wimp! What kind of reaction was that? You didn't have to fly out of the bed after realizing that you were cuddling with your fiance!"

"Tha-that's not right! We weren't cuddling!"

"That's a severe case of being in denial," Wolfram crossed his arms, "Wimp, you can't just pretend like it was nothing."

Wolfram didn't look like he was insinuating about anything beyond their current argument but it pierced Yuuri somehow. Those words ticked him off.

"Wolfram, boys don't do that!"

"_Your world's_ boys don't do that," Wolfram flicked back his hair, "Why Earth people choose to live that kind of life is beyond comprehension."

"Boys just don't cuddle with each other, okay?!" Yuuri shouted.

"Your point?" Wolfram's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits and Yuuri had to force himself not to look away.

"Boys should only do that with the opposite gender!" Yuuri continued, "Boys should only get engaged to girls!"

Wolfram's eyes widened, "Don't you dare—"

"And _boys_ should only get married to _girls_! Wha... what you're saying just sounds wrong!"

Yuuri took in deep breaths. He hadn't meant to go that far but... he just did. He stared at the ground, afraid to meet Wolfram's eyes. Wolfram was being uncomfortably quiet.

After seconds of tense silence, Wolfram spoke up, strangely calm.

"I understand that things would have been simpler if I was a girl..."

Yuuri's heart wrenched at the voice devoid of passion. He apprehensively looked up and wished he hadn't. Those empty eyes were even more unnerving than the emotionless voice.

"I'm sorry for that. I always try to become a better person for you but me being male is something that I can never change," his face went dark, "Nor is it something I _would_ change."

"No, wait," Yuuri kneeled up and placed his hands on the bed, "I... I didn't mean to hurt you. Sorry. I should be the one apologizing. I was being too careless with my words."

Wolfram stared at nothing. "Tell me, Yuuri, if I was a girl, would you even second guess the engagement?"

"I... I don't know."

"Yuuri, it's a yes or no question. There are no in betweens," Wolfram was looking at him seriously now.

"Maybe..." Yuuri blushed at the thought. "Probably not."

"And that's what I don't understand!" Wolfram suddenly barked, making Yuuri jump back and land on his rear again.

"Wha—" Yuuri started but was cut off.

"You actually _do_ like me, don't you? If I was a girl, you probably would have married me by now, right?"

Yuuri could only sputter incoherently and blush harder.

"Do you deny liking me?"

"I-I-I," Yuuri blinked, "Wolf, are we really going to have this conversation right now?"

Wolfram glared and Yuuri gulped.

"I... don't find your company disagreeable."

Wolfram looked indignant. Yuuri flinched when the blond boy grabbed a pillow, thinking that it was meant for him. But instead of sending the thing flying into his fiance's face, Wolfram hugged the pillow, burried his face into it and let out a muffled shriek of exasperation.

Another moment of awkward silence stretched out.

"Uh, Wolf?" Yuuri asked nervously.

The blond didn't acknowledge him or move.

After a while, Yuuri tried again. "You okay, Wolf?" It was a stupid question but Yuuri didn't really know what to do anymore.

Thankfully, Wolfram responded. Well, he sighed out loudly, peeked out of the pillow and glared. But at least that was something.

"Okay, fine," Wolfram sneered, "You want to be all wimpy and take baby steps, _fine_." Wolfram ran a hand through his hair and sighed again, "Seriously Wimp, I don't understand how I can't manage to exhaust all of my extremely limited patience on you."

Yuuri pouted.

"Do you still deny what you just witnessed yourself only moments ago?" Wolfram asked with his back straight and his nose up.

Wolfram looked like he was calming down, Yuuri thought. He should stop provoking Wolfram now that he had the chance. Maybe he could still get the chance to sleep in... _Just surrender, Yuuri!_ he thought to himself.

But in the end, Yuuri learned that it was hard to consciously stop being in denial...

"I... I... We weren't cuddling," he objected weakly while mentally whacking himself on the head.

Oh, he was in for it now. He saw Wolfram's knuckles go white from gripping the pillow too hard. Yuuri held his hands protectively in front of him and closed his eyes, bracing himself for the storm that was about to thrash him into bits...

But the backlash Yuuri expected didn't come. Instead, he heard a snort and a grumbled 'baby'.

"You're right," Wolfram feigned a look of thoughtfulness when Yuuri looked at him in surprise, "_We_ weren't cuddling."

Yuuri looked at Wolfram uneasily. He was just trying another tactic, wasn't he?

"That implies action from _both_ parties."

Yuuri groaned, knowing where this was going.

Wolfram shrugged innocently. "I couldn't really _move_ in your hold."

"Wolfraaam," Yuuri couldn't help but whine pathetically when he felt his cheeks go warm.

"Technically, y_ou_ were cuddling _me_."

Yuuri opened his mouth to object again but stopped when he looked at the gleeful face smiling down on him. Something about that smiling face... And the sun shining on him... Making his hair and skin glow golden and his eyes shine... It made Yuuri not want to argue. Yuuri's protesting energy deflated.

"I... " Yuuri swallowed air, "If I admit that, will you let me go back to sleep in peace?"

"What about your morning run?" Wolfram looked genuinely surprised.

Yuuri shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant. "I was planning on skipping that."

"But you like your daily runs," Wolfram raised a brow, "What's making you lazy today?"

"Well," Yuuri tried to keep his blush down, "I just... felt like it."

Wolfram put on his patented 'care-to-elaborate?-if-not-I-will-fry-you' face.

"I was just feeling comfortable, alright?!" Yuuri threw his arms up before crossing them over his chest, "I had a weird, complicated but in the end, sort of happy dream, it was quiet and peaceful and it was warm! Several factors just made me want to go back to sleep!" Yuuri pouted. He felt like he had just admitted defeat for some reason he didn't quite understand and Yuuri didn't like it.

Yuuri couldn't help but feel slightly unnerved when Wolfram tilted his head to the side and looked at him curiously. It was like a heavenly being was looking through his soul and was now about to give divine judgment. Was he going to heaven or hell?

"Such a baby. But I guess that's a start."

The angel smiled and Yuuri gave out a sigh of relief. When had he started to hold his breath? Yuuri started to get up but then—

_Whack._

He fell back on his bum for the third time that day.

"What did you do that for?!" Yuuri glared and stood up, holding the thrown pillow threateningly.

The blond boy smirked. "Like I said earlier, I appreciate the contact but I like to have the freedom to move around when I sleep. You hug too tight."

Really, how could Yuuri keep a straight face hearing _that_ answer? He forced his glare to stay put but he could already feel his traitorous cheeks giving him away.

"Whatever," he grumbled as he shoved the thick blankets away, reinstated himself on the bed, hugged the pillow to his chest and pulled the blankets over him.

Melodious laughter filled the room. "That's alright, Wimp. I promise to help you take your baby steps."

What Wolfram meant by that, Yuuri didn't really know... Or maybe he did but just didn't want to consciously mull over it. He didn't really know or care right now. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

Yuuri pulled down the blankets on his head. The room was quiet. The early sunlight was still dancing with the shadows on the walls. Everything was peaceful and yet... Something felt missing.

Wolfram sneezed beside him and consequently jerked himself closer to Yuuri.

Oh, Yuuri thought. The warmth.

"Gesundheit," Yuuri said while placing the pillow to his right, on the edge of the bed.

"Did you say something, Yuuri?"

"Gesundheit. It's an Earth term that's said when a person sneezes. It means 'bless you'."

"Earth people are strange."

"Huh."

Wolfram tossed and turned on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Hey, Wolfram."

"Hm?" Wolfram faced him.

Yuuri tried to keep a serious face. "If I promise not to hold too tight, can you be my pillow?"

Wolfram's eyes went wide. And was it Yuuri's imagination or was the bed getting warmer as Wolfram's cheeks were getting redder?

"Eh?"

"I said," Yuuri inched his face closer to the blushing blond, "Can you be my pillow? I promise not to hold too tight."

It seemed like the amount of warmth Yuuri could get was proportional to the shade of red Wolfram's face was.

Interesting.

"Well... Um..." Wolfram blinked, "I guess you can if you keep to your promise."

Yuuri smiled and tugged Wolfram into his chest. Wolfram's face rivalled a tomato's now.

Just the redness, of course. How in the world could a vegetable compare to this bishonen angel's beauty? Wait, was a tomato a vegetable or a fruit? Wasn't it a fruit on Earth? Wouldn't it be hilarious if a tomato was a vegetable in this world? He would need to ask someone about that later...

Okay, Yuuri was having weird thoughts now. He closed his eyes and smiled. It was a symptom of being close to falling asleep, right? And in no time at all! Wow, just hugging Wolfram outmatched Anissina's Peaceful-Slumber-kun!

He held Wolfram even closer to himself and felt the warmth seep into his bones. He wondered about the kinds of things he could do to be able to keep feeling Wolfram's warmth and what he could possibly do to make Wolfram go warmer...

Yuuri felt his cheeks go red.

Their relationship was still strange and weird for him. But maybe... Maybe things would be fine. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad having Wolfram sleep beside him forever...

Wolfram snored and wriggled in his embrace.

If he took baby steps, just like Wolfram said, maybe they could figure it all out in the end.


End file.
